


meet me at the mcdonald’s parking lot at 3am

by mossy_spacebug



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anime References/Discussions, Anxiety, Bakeries, Birthdays, Cake, Cheating - Mentioned, Depression, Developing Friendship, Developing Relationship, Emotional Abuse, Fluff, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hugs, Mild Suicidal Thoughts, Mild anime spoilers, Panic Attacks, Therapy, complicated family relationships, mild grief, mild physical abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 20:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30144909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mossy_spacebug/pseuds/mossy_spacebug
Summary: Kai was tired.It wasn’t a physical sort of tired, nor a mental one. His muscles weren’t sore and his thoughts weren’t jumbled. It was an emotional sort of tired. One where he felt wrung out; pulled apart over and over like taffy. An invisible weight pressed on his shoulders. His chest was tight. His eyes were bone-dry despite the threat of tears.Scratch that.Kai wasexhausted.When Kai turns seventeen, he decides to leave the house for one night. He wanders, lost in his thoughts. His aimless wandering leads him to a boy who shows him more kindness in one night that anyone else has his entire life.
Relationships: Joshua - OC & Kai - OC
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	meet me at the mcdonald’s parking lot at 3am

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I’ve been working on since the end of January. It’s basically a form of escapism and daydreaming on my part. The story has been rolling around my head for a while and I’ve been working on it on and off since I wrote my first draft. So, here’s to a hopefully enjoyable read!

Kai was tired.

It wasn’t a physical sort of tired, nor a mental one. His muscles weren’t sore and his thoughts weren’t jumbled. It was an emotional sort of tired. One where he felt wrung out; pulled apart over and over like taffy. An invisible weight pressed on his shoulders. His chest was tight. His eyes were bone-dry despite the threat of tears.

Scratch that.

Kai was  _ exhausted _ . 

He sat on his bed, hugging the crumpled blankets, staring blankly out the window. The sun had set several hours ago. The open windows let in a breeze that seemed oddly fitting for the darkness he was encased in.

“ _ Happy birthday to me _ ,” Kai exhaled softly, more of a breath than whispered words.

The bustling noise of people downstairs had died down a while back. The house was devoid of the workers setting up for the party in two days. The one for his twin sister, Clara. Not him.

Kai both loved and hated the fact that he was born late at night and Clara was born early the next morning. For one, it meant that he didn’t have to share a birthday with her. On the other hand, his birthdays were completely ignored by everyone he knew.

A heavy sigh filled the oppressing, yet comforting, silence. Kai buried his face in his hands. He was unsure if he felt like crying, screaming, laughing, or all three. Maybe he was finally losing it after seventeen years of nothing.

Maybe losing it was better than another year living in the hellhole he had to call home.

His fingers trembled.

One more year. Technically one and a half before he escaped to college.

One and a half years.

18 months.

548 days.

His breath hitched. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. It was way too fucking long. He had already endured 17 years. He couldn’t fathom doing it for another year and a half. 

Without thinking, Kai stood up. He needed to get out. Out of the house, at the very least, if he couldn’t get out of the situation just yet. Even if it was for just one night. He just needed to get out. He had to.

He grabbed his jacket, phone, and keys and snuck downstairs. Once there, he tugged on his shoes and left. The door shut with a soft click behind him.

Kai had nowhere to go. He didn’t have any friends. There weren’t any family members around who would offer him help. Nor were there any family friends who would even give him the time of day. 

He was alone.

Maybe he could just wander around. It was almost 1am but Kai had his jacket and phone. He should be fine. 

Kai’s thoughts started spinning as he walked, footsteps practically silent against the concrete.

Would his life have been better if his stepdad, Henry, hadn’t insisted his mom keep him? Would he be in foster care? Would he have been adopted? Maybe his mom would somehow have found his biological dad. Would she still have kept him?

Would his life have been better?

He shook his head, forcefully pushing those thoughts away. What-ifs would do nothing but torment him. 

Each step away from the house lifted a little of the weight on his shoulders. Kai looked up. His eyes followed the small scatter of stars, visible only in the suburbs. They twinkled softly, like unobtrusive companions.

He looked away. 

Maybe he could go to the park. Find a place to sit and reset himself. Sit on a swing or maybe even climb a tree. 

Kai went.

The path to the park wasn’t the most familiar, but Kai had passed by it enough to find it easily. It felt odd to stand there in the middle of the night. He stared at the still swings. The sight only reminded him of unpleasant memories. Ones of small hands roughly pushing him off. Ones of scraped knees and hands that were left to bleed.

His knees still had faint, silvery scars from unattended childhood wounds.

Okay. Not the park, then.

Kai turned away. He didn’t know where else to go.

Simply wandering it was, Kai decided. 

He picked a random direction and started walking. Kai walked along the middle of the street first. He glanced at the giant houses as he passed by. Every window he saw was dark.

A small gust of wind made him slide his hands into his pockets. His breath came out as faint fog. He sighed, watching it curl in the cold air.

Most of the houses had their Christmas decorations up. Kai hated the sight. He hated Christmas. He hated watching his siblings get present after present while he watched from the top of the stairs. He hated how, when he was young, he would find a relatively pretty rock from the backyard and pretend it was a gift from his mom. 

He hated how receiving an actual rock would have been better than nothing. 

Kai tore his mind from the collection of fourteen rocks sitting innocently under his bed. 

The further he walked, the smaller the houses became. Eventually, after about maybe twenty minutes, Kai came across a busier street. He stepped up onto the sidewalk and continued walking.

The stars faded from view as the light pollution took over.

His earlier thought came back to him.

One and a half goddamn years.

Kai clenched his hands into fists, unwilling to acknowledge the slight tremor in his fingers. This time, however, he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his head.

_ “Your son has lovely eyes,” one of his mother’s friends complimented.  _

_ Kai looked up hopefully. Those hopes were squashed within a second when he heard his mother scoff.  _

_ “They’re just brown,” she said. “It’s Clara’s eyes that are lovely. Such a beautiful shade of blue. Just like her father’s.” _

_ Kai flinched at the words. The other woman’s attention had easily slid away in favor of cooing over a grinning Clara.  _

He hated that  _ that _ was the reason he severely disliked the color blue.

_ “Mommy?” Kai asked shyly, gently tugging at his mothers’s skirt.  _

_ “What?” she snapped, not even bothering to look at him. _

_ Kai hesitated for a moment. “Can I have a snack? Like Clara?” _

_ He winced when her sharp eyes focused on him.  _

_ “No,” she said firmly. “Snacks are only for good little boys and girls. You are anything but.” _

_ Kai didn’t really understand. He finished his homework. He cleaned his room without needing to be told. He had played quietly all day. He never fussed about bedtime or brushing his teeth.  _

_ A sick feeling bubbled in his stomach. _

_ “Okay,” he whispered, knowing better than to argue. _

_ Kai didn’t point out how Clara threw a tantrum that day until she got the toy she wanted. He ignored how she also bought two other toys that she didn’t have any interest in until Kai looked at them for too long. _

Kai breathed in sharply through his nose. The weight was back on his shoulders.

He had always made sure to never look at anything twice again.

_ “You are a mistake.” _

_ Kai froze, one foot on the stairs, one hand tightly gripping the railing. His heart started pounding as he slowly turned.  _

_ His mother stared at him with her green eyes. Loathing stood clear on her face. She repeated herself.  _

_ “You’re nothing but a stupid, disgusting mistake,” she said. _

_ His chest tightened.  _

_ “ I wish I could have gotten rid of you the moment I knew of your existence,” she muttered, bitter and hateful. _

_ His fingers trembled. _

_ “You should never have existed in the first place,” she continued. “Everything you are and will be is just a mistake.” _

_ His eyes welled up with tears. _

_ “You should thank me,” she said. “For telling you of your place in this house.” _

_ The silence that followed was loaded with expectation. _

_ Kai swallowed thickly, all of seven years old.  _

_ “Thank you,” he whispered, words trembling as they came out of his mouth. _

_ More silence. Finally, his mom scoffed and walked away, muttering about ungrateful children. Kai took his chance and bolted up the stairs, locking himself in his room. He shot towards the closet, shutting the door. Kai fell against the wall, sliding down to the floor. He curled up into a tight ball, muffling his sobs as best as he could. _

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Kai didn’t want to think about  _ those _ memories. Still, they rose up, pushing to the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t help but give a short, bitter laugh when tears filled his eyes. 

Kai blinked, feeling the tears burn a trail across his cheeks.

“Shit,” he cursed, wiping them away angrily, growing angrier as they kept coming. “Shit, shit, fucking shit.”

His voice caught on the last curse, a sob halfway through his throat. His anger immediately melted away into a deep, yawning emptiness. The tears kept coming, hard and fast.

“No, no, no,” Kai mumbled, unwilling to cry in the middle of the sidewalk. 

He looked around with desperate eyes. Kai spotted an empty parking lot and made his way over. He nearly tripped in his haste, hiccuping as he tried to quiet his sobs.

Kai practically threw himself towards a wall, crumpling and wrapping his arms around his legs. His forehead planted on his knees as his body shook with muffled sobs.

The tears wouldn’t stop coming, fueled by the memories that seemed to pop up one after the other. His fingers curled into his pants to avoid curling in his hair.

His nails dug into his legs as he heaved for breath. He couldn’t breathe. The fetal position he was in did absolutely nothing to help him get air into his lungs. Still, the alternative was straightening up, and that didn’t feel safe.

The thoughts kept jumbling in his head, making his breaths that much shorter. His stomach churned and his fingers felt numb. There was a tight band around his chest that grew tighter with each passing moment.

It felt like he was dying.

Maybe he was. Maybe dying would be a better alternative to spending another year and a half surrounded by blatant hatred and cold indifference. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t live through it.

“-ello?”

He couldn’t fucking do it. Kai just...he couldn’t. It was hell. Living in a place without anyone caring about you.

“-ey. Ca-.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Everything was too loud. Each  _ swoosh _ of a passing car made him flinch. Kai let out a low, pained noise. Everything trembled.

“-reathe.”

Air refused to enter his lungs. His tight chest somehow got even  _ tighter _ . Kai gasped, but the sudden movement of his chest sent a sharp pain through his body. He bit on his tongue, warring between getting away from that pain and the need for air.

“Can yo-.”

There was a voice among the panic. It vaguely registered in his mind. Kai was too busy trying to curl up in an even smaller ball and just surrender to the waves of panic. He could wait it out. He had to. He...he couldn’t fucking breathe.

“In and out, oka-.”

Hands still tight, Kai inhaled shakily, exhaling rapidly at another sharp spike of pain. 

“Slowly, okay?”

The word somehow got past his foggy, jumbled thoughts.  _ Slowly _ .

“There we go,” a voice said, a hint raspy but oddly soothing.

Kai carefully breathed through his nose, slow, shallow breaths. His shoulders relaxed a fraction.

“In,” the voice continued. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. Just breathe, alright? Slowly. Out, come on, exhale.”

Kai did just that.

“Okay. good. Inhale.”

Kai inhaled.

“Exhale.”

He exhaled.

“Inhale.”

Cold air filtered through his nose.

“Exhale.”

Warmth brushed across the tops of his knees.

“Inhale.”

Kai looked up and saw a face.

The guy in front of him immediately gave him an encouraging and warm smile. “Come on, inhale.”

Kai did.

“Good. Exhale.”

When Kai finally felt calm, his shoulder slumped fully.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” The question was quiet.

Kai thought for a small moment before nodding.

It was stupid, a small part of him yelled. Letting a complete stranger touch him. One who was out during the middle of the night. But Kai couldn’t help but crave  _ some _ form of physical comfort after having none his entire life. So he agreed.

He was a little surprised when the guy simply sat next to him. A hand gently guided his head onto the guy’s shoulder. Kai froze for a moment before thinking, “ _ fuck it _ ,” and relaxing into his warmth.

It felt so fucking nice. He was warm and he kept his hands on his lap. Kai could feel the press of his shoulder against his cheek, could feel their arms brushing together. And he was so goddamn warm.

More tears sprang to his eyes, but Kai simply sniffled. 

“You feeling better?” the guy asked. 

Kai nodded. “Yeah.”

His voice cracked halfway through but Kai forgave himself for that. He went through an entire panic attack in front of a stranger. A voice crack seemed so insignificant in comparison.

“Do you need anything? Water, something to eat?” the guy continued. “There’s a 7-Eleven around the corner.”

Kai shook his head and whispered, “No. Thanks, though.”

The stranger nodded before they fell quiet. Kai’s exhaustion tugged at his eyelids, but sleep was still evasive.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Kai jerked a little but stilled quickly. He could feel the other guy’s shrug against his body.

“It’s okay if you don’t, but it might make you feel better. Plus, I’m a stranger, so you wouldn’t have to worry about me spilling any secrets to anyone you don’t want knowing.”

“There wouldn’t be anyone to tell who would care,” Kai found himself saying.

“Oh.” The guy paused for a moment. “The offer still stands.”

Kai hummed, weighing his options. Well, he’d already had a panic attack in front of a stranger and was now leeching off his warmth and comfort. Maybe telling someone really  _ would  _ make him feel better. He’d never gotten the chance to find out before.

“I have a twin sister,” Kai began quietly. 

Kai could feel the slight confusion from the quiet presence beside him. He continued.

“Her name is Clara. We share a mom, but we don’t share a dad,” he said. “My mom cheated on her fiance. She had sex twice in one day with two different men. And she got pregnant with twins.

“Clara, the daughter of her then fiance. And me. The product of a one-night stand from a bar.”

The guy didn’t say anything but he shifted a bit closer. Kai found the silence reassuring.

“Her fiance, who is now my stepdad, thought we were both his while she was pregnant. He continued to think so for a little while until our individual features started showing up. Like how much paler I was. How dark my hair was compared to his family and my mom’s family. And how my eyes are brown while his are blue and my mom’s is green.”

Kai took a deep breath. “So he ordered a paternity test. And he found out that I wasn’t his kid.”

He fell silent for a moment, forcing himself to breathe slowly and deeply. Kai spoke only when he was sure his voice wouldn’t tremble.

“He was angry. But he didn’t tell my mom to get rid of me or put me down for adoption or anything like that. Instead, he told my mom it was her job to raise me so that she’ll always have a reminder of when she was unfaithful to him and would never be again.”

“Fuck,” the guy exhaled softly and Kai couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Yeah. Fuck.” Kai shut his eyes, fingers twisting in his jacket. “So my mom kept me. But she always made it very, very clear that I was a mistake. She treated Clara like a princess and basically did the opposite with me.”

He paused, wondering how to continue.

“She either ignored me or insulted everything about me,” Kai finally said, letting out a long, tired breath. “She always told me I was a mistake. She would sometimes talk to me just so that she could point out how my features don’t match the rest of them. She particularly liked to tell me that she would have given me up in a heartbeat if it weren’t for my stepdad.”

A small, bitter laugh escaped him. “When I was little, she made me thank her for keeping me.”

“Holy shit that is the most fucked-up mother I indirectly know,” the guy said in one breath, quiet and a touch vicious.

“Yeah,” Kai sighed. “Clara hates me, too. She tells me that I bring shame onto our mom and family. And that I’m an embarrassment.”

“What about your stepdad?” the guy asked hesitantly. “He’s also kinda fucked up, but….”

Kai shook his head. “He ignores me. Pretends I don’t exist. He’s only paid attention to me twice. The second time was when he handed me a phone without a single word.”

“And the first?”

“When I was three,” Kai started softly, “I started getting freckles. Which was another strike against me.”

“Freckles?”

Kai nodded. “No one on my stepdad’s side of the family had freckles. My mom’s side of the family don’t have them either. But I’m pretty sure my biological dad did because when my mom noticed, she slapped me.”

There was a small, but sharp, inhale. Kai continued staring out onto the street as he spoke.

“It was the first and only time she hit me,” he whispered. “She slapped me  _ hard _ . My cheek was bruised for about a month and a half after that. My stepdad stepped in, threatening to take Clara if she continued to be violent. She never hit me again.

“My stepdad made sure I wasn’t bleeding, or that she didn’t break my cheekbone. He gave me bruise ointment the next day. And that was it.”

“Wow.” The guy shifted a little but made no move to dislodge Kai from his shoulder. “Forgive me for saying this but I seriously wanna punch your family. What the fuck.”

Kai laughed a little. If it came out more bitter than sweet, then that was only between him and this kind stranger. “Funny how someone I’ve never met cares more than my own family.”

“They don’t deserve you calling them that,” the guy said bluntly. “If anyone treated  _ my _ family members like that, I wouldn’t hesitate to deck ‘em, no matter who they were.”

“That’s really nice to know,” Kai admitted, a tiny smile on his face. “I’ve always wondered what might have happened if I had an older sibling, you know? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Who knows, right?”

“Can I hug you?” the guy asked.

Kai looked up at him in surprise. Gentle eyes looked right back.

“Sure,” Kai whispered.

He moved slowly, allowing Kai plenty of time to back out if he wanted. Kai didn’t move. The guy’s arms wrapped around Kai’s shoulders, pulling him closer. And suddenly Kai was being hugged for the first time he could ever remember. 

He held his breath for a beat before relaxing in his arms.

The smell of coffee and freshly baked bread filled his senses. It was comforting in a way Kai had never experienced before. He found himself turning to the guy’s chest. His eyes welled up with tears and his breath hitched.

“You can cry, you know,” the guy whispered, one hand slowly sweeping up the length of Kai’s back. “I really don’t mind.”

The tears started spilling over.

“I-,” Kai choked up. “I-.”

He was shushed gently. Kai could feel the other boy start to sway softly, rocking him slightly.

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

Kai let out a broken sound and burrowed into the warmth that was so freely offered. He started crying properly, shoulders shaking as his soft sobs grew louder.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this. So warm. It made his chest ache with an unidentifiable feeling. But it was there and wrapped around Kai like a heavy blanket.

“You’re gonna be alright,” the guy whispered, his voice somehow reaching Kai through the sound of his sobbing.

Kai’s fingers trembled as he reached out and tangled his fingers within the guy’s hoodie. The hand on his back started moving, soothingly rubbing up and down. 

He felt so...enveloped. He was enveloped within this unbelievable  _ warmth _ and it only made him cry harder.

“You’re okay. You’re safe, right now.”

_ Safe _ . That was the feeling. He felt safe.

Kai has never felt safe in his entire life.

But here he was, crying into a stranger’s shoulder, feeling safe for the first time in seventeen years.  _ Crying _ because he didn’t know how else to deal with this overwhelming yet perfect feeling.

Not fair, it wasn’t fair,  _ it wasn’t fair. _

“I know. I know it’s not fair.”

Kai hadn’t even realized he was mumbling between his sobs. 

“It’s not fair,” the guy continued. “But it’s going to be okay. You’ll get out of this shitty situation and I just know you’ll end up being unbelievably happy and you can rub it in their little asshole faces.”

He let out a surprised laugh, tears still flowing. The arms around him stilled for a moment before they started moving again.

“Yeah. Absolutely. You’ll fucking show them what you’re made of, yeah?”

Kai felt his sobs start to peter out. He sniffled, suddenly aware of the mess he made of the guy’s hoodie. He relished the warmth enveloping him for another moment before moving.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to whisper, voice hoarse. 

“What? This old thing?” The guy smiled at him, letting Kai pull away. “Don’t worry about it. Needed washing anyways.”

Kai just nodded and wiped his face with the sleeves of his jacket. He took a few calming breaths, enjoying the cool air against his hot face.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried solely for the sake of crying. It was...cathartic in a way that nothing else had been. Cathartic, but even more exhausting after everything he went through that night.

Kai turned to the stranger and managed a wobbly smile. “Thank you.”

“Hugging people is always nice,” he simply said, offering a smile of his own.

Kai nodded and felt his smile become more solid. “A hug for my seventeenth birthday. As far as presents go, I have to say that this one is my favorite.”

“It’s your birthday?” the guy’s voice was full of disbelief and something else Kai couldn’t quite place. 

Kai stared. The guy stared back, eyes wide. Kai glanced away, feeling his cheeks burn a little. 

“Ye-yeah,” he stammered. “I was, uh, I was born at 11:11pm. Double digits, right?”

“Let me guess,” the guy said, brow furrowing. “Your sister was born the day after and your birthday goes ignored every year.”

“Pretty much,” Kai confirmed with a rueful smile.

There was a beat of silence. Then:

“Come on.” The guy stood up, holding out a hand to Kai. “Let’s go.”

“Go? Go where?” Kai frowned in confusion, suddenly wary. “Why?”

The guy laughed. It was a nice sound; light because the situation called for it, but full. 

“Fair point,” he said, still smiling. “We are still strangers.”

“I don’t even know your name,” Kai agreed, taking his hand regardless and letting himself be pulled up. 

“Joshua,” he introduced. “I’m Joshua. I’m sixteen, but I’ll turn seventeen in March.”

“Kai,” he replied. 

Joshua smiled. Kai couldn’t help but think that it was the perfect name for him. The street wasn’t lit well enough to figure out any distinguishing figures, but Kai could see hints of a sharp jaw and a mischievous smile. 

“Well, Kai,” Joshua said, his voice curling around Kai’s name pleasantly. “Now that we know who we are, are you coming with me?”

“Where would we go?” Kai asked again. 

Joshua grinned and popped up a skateboard that Kai hadn’t noticed until just now. He caught it effortlessly in his hand. “Well, it’s your birthday. And you can’t have a birthday without a cake.”

“You’re going to buy me a cake?” Kai blinked in shock.

It was the nicest thing anyone did for him. And it was coming from someone he had just met.

Joshua nodded. “Well, sort of. I’m not buying it, if you were worried about money. Even if you were worrying about money, don’t. I would still have bought you a cake because everyone deserves cake on their birthday.”

“Are you gonna steal me a cake?” Kai couldn’t help but gasp, eyes wide.

Joshua stared for a moment before bursting into laughter. Kai blushed, stammering, as Joshua laughed loudly and unapologetically. 

This laugh was even nicer than the last.

“Fuck, that was the greatest thing I’ve heard anyone say to me,” he exclaimed, letting out a satisfied sigh as he caught his breath. “But no, I’m not stealing cake for you. Just, just come with me. I promise I won’t lead you into any strange alleys.”

Kai looked up at the sky, trying to catch glimpses of the stars he saw earlier. His teeth worried his lower lip before shrugging. “What the hell. Why not? If I get kidnapped, at least it’ll be a better birthday than my others.”

“That’s the spirit!” Joshua cheered. “Well, actually, it’s horrible, but still! We’re gonna get you cake!”

Kai couldn’t stop the smile crossing his face if he tried as they started walking. A thought occurred to him as they crossed the street.

“So...what are  _ you _ doing out so late? It’s like, 3am? Almost 4?” Kai checked his phone, flashing the “03:57 am” at Joshua.

“Well, I was kinda at the McDonald’s parking lot first,” Joshua said, gesturing behind them. “Believe it or not, I was sort of having an existential crisis when you crashed my party and had a panic attack.”

Kai hummed a little, trying to wrap his head around it. Joshua, who was so comforting and warm, having his own existential crisis.  _ Well _ , Kai thought to himself,  _ I suppose anyone can be dealing with shit, too. No matter how kind. _

“You wanna talk about it?” Kai eventually asked. 

Joshua flashed him a small smile, not exactly happy. “Why the fuck not? Keep in mind, it’s not as dramatic as your life.”

“That can only be a good thing,” Kai said, his voice light.

It earned him another, more genuine, smile from Joshua.

“Well,” Joshua started slowly, dragging out the word. “Seven months ago, my brother died.”

“Oh, shit,” Kai gasped. “I’m so sorry.”

Joshua shook his head. “It’s okay. I miss him and think about him practically all the time, but I don’t have any regrets when it comes to him.”

He took a deep breath and continued. “Well, the first month was pretty bad. I was depressed, which wasn’t good because it kinda runs in my family. I had to be very careful or I’d fall into a very deep hole. I didn’t, thankfully. I ended up forcing myself to sign up for my school’s therapy program. But my other brother didn’t.”

Joshua paused there. He tilted his head up and stared at the sky, watching his own breath curl up as fog. His silhouette was lit up by a street lamp and Kai had the sudden urge to grab his hand as comfort.

“His name is Sean,” Joshua continued, bringing Kai out of his thoughts. “He’s always been the emotional type. Sean has a lot of emotional outbursts. It’s not usually a problem unless he’s angry or frustrated. And, more recently, depressed.”

Kai didn’t know what to say. He never had to comfort anyone before. He didn’t know how. So he followed his instincts. He reached out, gently and loosely wrapping his thin fingers around Joshua’s warm wrist.

Joshua glanced at him, lips twitching in a small smile. He turned his wrist so that their fingers tangled together instead. Kai felt his cheeks warm.

“I already told you that depression runs in my family,” he continued. “But Sean’s never actually had to deal with an episode before, despite his nature. So he’s lashing out. He’s being irrational and hurtful, pushing away friends and the rest of our siblings. He keeps getting into more and more fights.”

Kai tightened his fingers around Joshua’s fingers.

“He almost hit his girlfriend the other day,” Joshua said, voice dropping into a quieter tone. “And he’s refusing help. Of any kind. Therapy, sports, friends,  _ me _ .”

Joshua’s voice nearly cracked on that last word. He kept on talking, though, and Kai couldn’t do anything but step a little closer and offer him some semblance of comfort.

“He’s...he’s pushing us away, Kai,” Joshua said, turning to look at him. 

Kai’s breath caught in mild alarm when he noticed the shiny sheen in Joshua’s eyes. The orange street lights were reflected against a layer of unshed tears.

“I don’t know what to do,” Joshua finally said, letting out a heavy sigh and looking away. He blinked and the glistening in his eyes disappeared. “I’m the second oldest in the family. Our parents aren’t around so Jamie, our oldest, takes care of us. But she’s usually so busy making ends meet that I’m the one who offers all the emotional support.

“I reassure Jamie when things get hard. I made sure Liam was happy, even when he was at the hospital. I make sure that Julie never feeds her insecurities. I make sure Brandon has healthy ways to express his anger. Fuck, I even helped Sean navigate his relationship with his girlfriend.”

Joshua looked at him again. Kai wondered if offering a hug would help, just like how it helped him. Joshua spoke before he could offer.

“I’m kinda at the end of my rope,” Joshua admitted. “I’ve tried everything I can think of to help Sean. But nothing seems to be helping.”

Kai hesitated before speaking. “I used to do a lot of searching when I got access to the internet. And something that kept me kinda sane is realizing the fact that it’s not my fault. That, you know, I can’t control the way other people act or feel. And that I wasn’t the problem. Even if I still sometimes have trouble believing the last part sometimes.”

“I know,” Joshua said with a small, bitter laugh.

Kai frowned slightly. Joshua caught the look and explained.

“I know. I really do,” he repeated. “Trust me when I say I know. It’s just that…. It’s still my responsibility. I take care of my family’s emotional needs because no one else can. It’s my job, in a sense. But I’m failing at it. It makes me feel...inadequate. And it’s hurting everyone involved.”

Kai chewed on his lower lips, fingers warmed from Joshua’s hand. “I really don’t know what to say.”

Joshua paused their walk. He placed his skateboard on the floor before reaching out and gently grasping the wrist of Kai’s free hand. His eyes flickered up and met Kai’s.

“I didn’t tell you this because I wanted advice,” Joshua said gently. “I told you because it’s nice venting to someone who doesn’t expect me to pull apart everything I say or that is involved in the situation somehow.”

Kai nodded slowly. 

“It’s not your job to come up with solutions just because I told you about my problem,” Joshua said, his thumb moving in small circles on Kai’s pulse. 

Kai nodded again and smiled a little. “Easier to talk to a stranger sometimes, huh?”

Joshua smiled back, brighter than the previous two. Kai much preferred this smile than the one tinged with bitterness.

“Definitely,” Joshua agreed, dropping his wrist and picking up his skateboard.

They started walking again.

They walked in silence for a moment before Kai spoke again, quiet and a little shy. “Thanks for making me feel better about not being able to give you advice.”

Kai grinned when Joshua laughed.

“It’s totally cool. Besides, you’re the one who let me be my existential-crisis-self. So, thanks for that,” Joshua replied, easily keeping the atmosphere light.

“Well, you did get me out of a panic attack.” Kai laughed a little as Joshua’s smile grew.

“And I’m getting you cake,” he said, tone clearly teasing. 

“And you’re getting me cake,” Kai agreed. “My first ever birthday cake. For myself, at least.”

Joshua hummed. Kai was still holding onto his hand, but since Joshua made no move to pull away, Kai left his hand there. The warmth was nice. And grounding feeling the touch brought was even more so.

“I still don’t know your favorite flavor, though,” Joshua said, pretending to think and tapping his chin. “How am I supposed to get you the best birthday cake if I don’t know your favorite flavor?”

Kai shrugged. “I’ve only ever had vanilla and chocolate. I liked vanilla better, though. The chocolate was too heavy, if that makes sense.”

Joshua nodded, continuing to look thoughtful. “Well, where we’re going has tons of flavors for you to pick from. Earl grey, matcha, chocolate mousse, but maybe not if you think chocolate is a bit too heavy. There’s also mango and taro and blackberry and lemon and red velvet and-.”

“That’s a lot,” Kai interrupted, eyes wide. “I...I didn’t realize there were  _ that _ many flavors of cake.”

Joshua didn’t focus on the tragedy of that fact. Instead, he tugged Kai around a corner and started walking them along a quieter street.

“Are we going to a bakery or something?” Kai wondered. It was the only place he knew that would have so many cake flavors.

“Ding ding ding!” Joshua exclaimed cheerfully. “We are going to my sister’s bakery!”

“Your sister owns a bakery?” Kai was surprised. Then again, Joshua  _ did _ smell like freshly baked bread. So maybe it made perfect sense.

“Yeah,” Joshua nodded. “She owns it and everything. It’s pretty popular, if I do say so myself.”

“Well, I don’t really think I’m for trying all those flavors,” Kai said, scrunching his nose a little at the thought.

He looked at Joshua, dropping the scrunch when he noticed Joshua staring. Joshua coughed lightly and replied.

“Well, let’s at least narrow it down,” he said. “I’m pretty sure you’re feeling something light, right?”

It was 4 in the morning. The exhaustion of staying up, having a panic attack, and then crying his heart out still weighed on him. Joshua was absolutely correct.

Kai nodded in agreement. “Definitely.”

“Something fruity, maybe? Maybe a fruity frosting?” Joshua hummed. “I doubt you’d want frosting that was  _ only _ sugar. It’s kinda disgustingly sweet most of the time. Hm….”

They crossed another street. Joshua continued humming in thought.

“What about a tea flavored cake?” he suggested. “There’s earl grey, matcha, chai, chai spice, maybe coffee? Nah, coffee cake doesn’t really scream ‘birthday!’”

“Can you pick?” Kai asked carefully. “I...I really don’t know any of these flavors and all these options are a bit overwhelming.”

Joshua looked at him, a little surprised. His surprise melted into a soft smile. “Sure.”

Kai felt a rush of gratefulness. He’d never been given choices like this. His clothes were picked out for him, his toys all used to belong to Clara, his meals were always someone else’s favorite. And no one had ever offered him his pick of cake flavor, let alone an actual cake. All the choices were overwhelming and he was glad Joshua agreed to pick for him.

“If you don’t like what I picked out, we can try again,” Joshua said. “And if you don’t like that one either, we can just go with vanilla.”

Something bloomed in his chest. It nearly knocked the breath out of him, but not in a bad way. Not at all. Instead, it made his fingers tingle with warmth. His cheeks turned a gentle pink.

“Thank you,” Kai said, trying to put how felt into his words.

He must have succeeded somehow because Joshua twisted his arm and knocked his knuckles against Kai’s skin before settling back into their previous position.

“Oh! I can also make you tea with your cake!” Joshua said, his next step nearly a light hop in his excitement.

“Tea?”

Joshua nodded vigorously. “Tea! I am a proud and avid collector of tea! Especially Earl Grey tea. It’s my favorite. But I have so many! Have you ever had tea? Because it’s so nice.”

“I’ve had green tea,” Kai offered, amusement coloring his tone at Joshua’s obvious enthusiasm.

“Well, good thing. I would have hated it if you had shitty tea and was forever against such a wonderful drink.”

Kai couldn’t help it. He giggled. He brought his hand up, pressed the back of it against his lips, and fucking  _ giggled _ . Joshua paused, looking at him with wide eyes before bursting into a toothy smile.

“You giggled!”

“I didn’t!” Kai gasped, somehow easily falling into this easy back and forth with Joshua. “I absolutely did not giggle.”

“Yes, yes you did!” Joshua laughed a little. “I liked it.”

“Oh.” Kai felt his face flush again but Joshua was too busy continuing his tangent on tea to notice.

His rambling kept Kai smiling the rest of the walk. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled this much. Probably never, if he was being honest. The giddiness that followed him on their walk prevented any thoughts that tried to tell him he didn’t deserve this.

“And here we are!” Joshua announced, breaking off from his tangent about how Jamie nearly threw away his tea collection. “Casa de Jamie’s bakery!”

It was a neat, two story building. Joshua gently twisted his hand away from Kai’s grip. Kai’s fingers tingled at the loss but he ignored it. He pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and opened the door, waving at Kai to enter first.

Kai stepped inside the dark space. He could see shadows of chairs and tables. The display was right next to the register, along with a giant menu board on the wall behind it. Joshua locked the door and grabbed Kai’s wrist.

“Come on,” he said, tugging Kai deeper inside.

They ended up in the kitchens. Joshua flipped a switch and flooded the place with light. It was big, with giant refrigerators and ovens and counters and cupboards. But Joshua led him to one corner, where a small, square table was set with four chairs. 

“Sit down,” Joshua urged.

Kai took the seat against the wall. He wanted to take in surroundings further, but his eyes were drawn to Joshua as he moved.

He went around the kitchen with ease. Within moments, he had the table set. There was a plate in front of both of them, along with two glasses of water.

“Just in case you somehow don’t like the tea,” Joshua said, mock disappointment clear.

Kai smiled.

Joshua walked over to a fridge and pulled out a cake, setting it on the table between them. He then went to the stove, setting up a pot of water. Kai continued to watch. He was a little jealous of how  _ easily _ Joshua moved. At how comfortable he seemed to be in this space. Kai hoped to be that comfortable somewhere in his life.

“I can’t spare seventeen candles, but I can spare one!” Joshua announced, coming back with a knife, a candle, and a lighter. 

He carefully stuck the lone candle in the middle of the cake, which wasn’t very big. It was decorated with red frosting and had raspberries and some sort of golden crumbs in a crescent shape at the top. 

Joshua lit the candle and stepped away. “Make a wish.”

Kai looked at the small, but bright, flame. He looked up and met Joshua’s eyes above it.

He never noticed in the shitty street lights, but Joshua’s eyes were a startling grey. Not a cold, icy grey. But warm. 

Gentle. 

_ Safe _ , Kai’s mind supplied.

He looked back down at the flame, made a wish, and blew.

“Yeah! You blew out your first birthday candle in one go.” Joshua grinned. “Never tell anyone your wish, though! Wouldn’t want it to not come true now, huh?”

Kai let out a soft laugh and nodded. “Okay.”

Joshua smiled at him for a moment, and Kai smiled right back. It was the sound of simmering water that caught their attention.

Joshua turned away. He readied both their cups and set them at the table before grabbing what seemed to be a box of sugar and a spoon.

“I actually don’t like sugar in this particular tea, but if you want some, go right ahead,” Joshua said as he took a seat.

Kai nodded. He would try it first, at least.

Joshua picked up the knife and cut out two neat pieces of cake. He set one one Kai’s plate, and then one for himself.

Kai picked up his fork but he was stopped by Joshua.

“No, no! It’s your first proper cake! I have to feed you the first bite,” Joshua said, taking the fork and cutting a bite with it. “Plus. I need to smear frosting on your face.”

Kai had only ever seen these traditions in movies and shows. He never really knew if they were real or not. But here Joshua was, so easily offering to do this for him.

“Okay,” Kai agreed, voice quiet but grateful.

Joshua grinned. He swiped his finger across the top of his own slice and smeared a streak across Kai’s face. 

“Perfect,” he announced, making Kai laugh. 

The frosting was cool on his skin. Kai reached up and wiped it with his finger, licking it off. The taste of sweet raspberry burst across his tongue and his eyes widened.

“This is really good!” he said, excited.

“Really? Fuck yes!” Joshua cheered. “Right on the first try. Come on, take a bite.”

Kai opened his mouth and let Joshua feed him. Raspberry and lemon spread across his taste buds. The flavor was sweet but also light. The lemon cake was subtle and the raspberry frosting was slightly tangy. 

Kai wanted more.

“Here,” Joshua said, handing back the fork. “Happy birthday, Kai.”

“Happy birthday, me,” Kai repeated softly. His face hurt from how much he had smiled within the short time he knew Joshua. “Thank you.”

Joshua waved off the thanks with his fork. “Don’t even worry about it. I’m having fun.”

He hid his pleased smile behind a bite of cake. Kai’s eyes wandered around the place again. They settled on the skateboard Joshua had settled against the opposite wall.

“You watch anime!” Kai exclaimed, feeling even more excited. “Please tell me that that’s Sukuna on your skateboard!”

“Why yes it is,” Joshua said proudly. “Took me ages to find a decent shop with a Sukuna deck, but it was so worth it.”

“It was,” Kai enthusiastically agreed. “Did you see the new episode? The one with Toudou and Itadori? Their friendship is everything.”

“Heck yeah it is! They’re so funny when they’re together.” Joshua laughed a little. “I still can’t believe Toudou declared Itadori his best friend because of their tastes in women.”

“It  _ is _ funny, huh?” Kai laughed and had another bite of cake, savoring the flavor.

“Also, might I add, Maki is a fucking badass and a half,” Joshua said, grinning at Kai’s enthusiasm for both cake and the topic.

“She really is,” Kai said, a bit dreamily. “Plus, she’s so hot.”

Joshua laughed, nodding. “Yes she is. You know who else is? Fushiguro’s dad.”

“Holy shit, yes,” Kai exhaled, nodding hard. “Criminally so.”

“The author really needs to stop drawing all these hot characters,” Joshua sighed. “It’s so not fair.”

“Well, your eyes are blessed with Sukuna everyday,” Kai joked, gesturing to the skateboard.

Joshua shot him a grin and triumphantly bit into a piece of cake.

They both fell into comfortable silence. Kai took the opportunity to take a sip of the tea, pleasantly surprised once more. It was a bith earthy but there were hints of orange peel and something else that settled warmly in Kai’s stomach. He added a spoonful of sugar, and had to resist chugging it.

“What’s your favorite anime, anyways?” Joshua asked, head tilting curiously.

“I think I’d have to say Ouran High School Host Club,” Kai decided after a moment’s thought. “What about you?”

“Banana Fish,” Joshua answered, no hesitation.

Kai nearly choked on his next bite. He drank some water before turning wide eyes at Joshua. “Ba-banana Fish? Are you insane?”

“Maybe,” Joshua said, completely unconcerned. 

“But, but why?” Kai asked, wanting to know.

The saddest anime he’d watched recently, and it was Joshua’s  _ favorite _ ? Maybe he really was an insane person.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me,” Joshua said, still somehow calm as he drank some tea. “Why do you like Ouran so much?”

Kai chewed on his lower lip as he tried to think of a way to articulate his words. “Well. It’s mostly because of that sense of belonging, if I’m being honest.”

He looked up to see Joshua patiently gazing at him. So he kept explaining.

“Haruhi goes to a school where she is a complete outcast. She ends up in debt and works for the host club. And as the anime progresses, she and the others realize how much they really belong there.”

Kai sipped some more tea to continue piecing his thoughts together.

“At first, she doesn’t fit. Their worlds are so different. But then they all learn more about each other and start to bond. And, before she realizes it, she’s part of their family now.”

He took a deep breath and finished his explanation. “I guess I’m a little jealous but also really happy that Haruhi found a place where she belongs and is wanted.”

Joshua didn’t say anything until Kai lifted his gaze from the table. 

“That makes sense,” he said. “That you would be drawn to people who somehow find family, despite any differences or misgivings. I’m sure it’ll happen to you too, one day.”

“I hope so,” Kai replied, carefully stabbing the last piece of cake on his plate.

“You want more?” Joshua offered, gesturing at the cake between them.

“No thanks.” Kai shook his head. “I think if I eat too many sweets I might get sick. But it was delicious. Thank you, again.”

“Your welcome,” Joshua said and they both smiled at each other again for the umpteenth time that day.

Kai waited for a moment before his curiosity couldn’t be contained anymore. “Well? Why do you like Banana Fish so much?”

“The sense of connection,” Joshua replied easily, as if the answer was ready on his tongue. “I’ll be honest. I only managed to watch it twice, and both times I ended up crying like a little baby. But...the bond that Ash and Eiji had was incredible.”

He was right, Kai realized. Kai himself had found himself focusing more on the tragic ending rather than what was right in front of him.

“They just,” Joshua paused for a moment, “they just understand each other on a level I sometimes envy. And they care about each other,  _ so much _ . You gotta admit, it’s kinda awe-inspiring.”

Kai felt a bit awe-inspired himself at Joshua’s words. He couldn’t help but admire the fact that Joshua took something beautiful from something to tragic and decided to frame that instead. Joshua didn’t ignore the tragedy, but he took that silver lining and breathed life into it.

“You’re right,” Kai said, voice soft. “It is pretty amazing.”

Joshua smiled, polishing off the last of his slice. 

“Did your sister make this cake?” Kai asked, steering the subject away from anything that would make him want to burst in admiration for Joshua.

“I did, actually.”

Joshua’s gaze was directed at the table in an uncharacteristic display of shyness. Fuck. The no-admiration ploy didn’t work.

“It’s really, really good,” Kai complimented, occupying himself with the cup of tea.

Joshua coughed a little before standing up and collecting their plates. He put everything away until all that was left were their cups of tea. Instead of sitting back down, however, Joshua started washing the plates. Kai felt a bit awkward, unsure if he should offer to help or continue sitting down.

When Joshua stretched to grab a kitchen towel, Kai diverted that awkwardness into something else.

There, along Joshua’s torso, was a dark ink. Kai curiously tilted his head, peering at it. 

“You have a tattoo?” Kai was both surprised and not. It sort of felt like it made sense for Joshua to have one.

“What? Oh, yeah.” Joshua set down the towel and lifted his hoodie. 

Kai stared at it, silently willing his cheeks to stay pale at the sight of stretching muscles. The tattoo itself was pleasant to look at. A series of eleven paper cranes and two dates along the sides, read from top to bottom. The entire thing was in black ink.

“Cranes?” Kai wondered, eyes tracing the crisp, black lines.

When he looked up, Joshua was smiling. It was more...sad. His lips were curled up, but his eyes were downcast. 

“They were Lucas’ favorite,” Joshua told him, voice soft. “My brother. He used to love hanging them on the walls.”

_ Used. _

Kai’s eyes widened as the realization hit him. Lucas. Joshua’s little brother who died seven months ago.

“Oh,” Kai said, setting down his cup. 

The smile faded a little.

“One for every year he was born,” Joshua continued. “I’m only sixteen but Jamie didn’t mind. I think she kind of likes knowing a part of Lucas won’t ever leave me.”

“It’s beautiful,” Kai told him honestly. “I’ve always thought they were kinda pretty, too.”

Kai was glad to see when Joshua gave a short, but genuine laugh. 

“Lucas would have liked you,” Joshua said. It made Kai’s chest warm.

“I think I would have liked him, too.” Kai had no way of knowing that. But he still felt that way. Especially around Joshua’s bright smile, gentle touch, and kind voice.

“I think so too.”

They shared a look; not quite a smile but something pleasant and warm and comforting. Joshua broke it first, turning back to the plates and drying them off. Kai checked his phone. His eyes widened at the time. 5:40 am. 

“Oh, shit, I have to get going.” Kai stood up, only a little panicked. “My mom always wakes up early to make sure all the decorations for Clara’s birthday is perfect and I can’t have her see me sneaking in.”

Joshua put the plates away and turned in time to see Kai chug down the rest of his tea. He stood up, pausing for a moment. Joshua spoke first.

“Are you walking?”

Kai shook his head. “No. I think I’m gonna take the bus. It’ll be faster.”

“Can I walk you?” Joshua asked, clearly hopeful.

“Yes,” Kai agreed, feeling a small part of him sigh in relief. He wished he didn’t have to go yet.

Joshua’s smile in itself would have been worth saying yes.

“You can leave the cups,” Joshua said, gesturing towards the door. “I’ll clean it up when I come back.”

Kai nodded and followed Joshua outside. It was the first day of winter, so the sky was still dark. But Kai didn’t mind. He liked the comfort of darkness. He also liked the air of intimacy between him and Joshua. Like it was just the two of them in the entire world.

This time, they walked in complete silence. It stretched between them, comfortable but heavy. Full of unsaid things. Kai wanted to break it.

“You know, this is quite literally the best day I’ve ever experienced,” Kai finally said as they reached the bus stop. “Or, rather, night.”

Joshua looked at him, lit up by the soft glow of a street light. “Give me your number. I wouldn’t mind giving you more.”

It was exactly what Kai wanted but didn’t dare hope for. So the request took him by surprise. But Joshua’s steady smile was real. Kai secretly pinched himself to make sure before taking the phone and typing his number. 

Joshua took it back and sent Kai a text. “There. Don’t be afraid to text me, alright?”

“Okay,” Kai said, an unspoken promise to see each other again filling the air around them.

The sound of an approaching bus filled their ears and Kai turned. He caught the number and looked at Joshua.

“That’s me,” he said.

Joshua seemed to hesitate for a moment before reaching forwards. He pulled Kai into another hug. The second hug Kai had the pleasure to experience. And it was just as warm and safe as the first one.

Kai hugged back, forcing himself not to clutch at the back of Joshua’s hoodie in desperation. 

“Happy birthday, Kai,” Joshua said softly, his warm breath tickling Kai’s cold ear.

The bus stopped next to them and the doors opened. Kai reluctantly pulled away. He stepped onto the bus, tapped his card against the machine, and took a seat. He twisted around to watch Joshua out the window.

The bus started, pulling him away. Kai waved and Joshua waved back until they could no longer see each other. With a small sigh, Kai turned back around. 

He got home as easily as he left. No one was awake yet, so Kai was unbothered as he entered the house and went to his room.

Eyes drooping, Kai managed to kick off his shoes and clumsily brush his teeth before collapsing onto his bed. He tugged the blanket over himself, the closest feeling to a hug he’d ever get at home.

Before he fully fell asleep, his phone buzzed. Kai blearly grabbed it and checked it. He smiled at the notification.

_ Get some sleep, lemon cake. And don’t be a stranger! _

Kai’s lips tugged wider at the message.  _ I won’t. You should sleep, too. _

_ I will! :) _

_ Happy birthday, Kai. _

Kai’s eyes were still drooping, so Kai set his phone on his bedside table. He fell asleep with the phantom scent of freshly baked bread and coffee. 

-

_ I wish that we would become best friends. _

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been writing about Joshua and Kai since 2017. They’ve pretty much been my two personal coping mechanisms through some depressing shit I’ve had to deal with. This story is part of many, many stories I’ve written about Joshua and Kai. They’re not all part of the same universe, but in every story, each character holds different aspects of myself. Hopefully I’ll be posting more about these two in the future!


End file.
